"The Short of It" Jokes 

Do you want to hear the long-winded ones? The Long of It

Short Tales - Dumb, duh, Dum-Dumb!

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back-wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't  understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says, a bit proudly.
The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am. I have to ask ... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

(Source: Dennis Campbell)
*
I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and

pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she
said she was shopping on the Internet, and they asked for a creditcard
number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
--------------------------------------------
I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into
itself and for the life of them could not understand why their
computer would not turn on.
(Source: Chris Mason)
*
A man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against fire. After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally. The man sued. The judge stated that since the company had insured the cigars against fire, they were obligated to pay. After the man accepted payment for his claim, the company had him arrested for arson. (Source: Scott's Joke Archive)
*
1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax machine?"

2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"
1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say
all she received was a cover sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and
the same thing happened."
2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"
1st Person: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to
read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and
read it."
   -------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.."
User: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
User: "How do I know when it's ready?"
(Source: Chris Mason)
*
Two guys walked down the street. Suddenly one of them kneeled down and picked up a small mirror.
He looked at it and said, "Hey. . . I think I know this man!"
"Let me have a look," his friend said as he grabbed the mirror. "Of course you know this guy! It's me stupid!"
*
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift.
One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost
out of typing paper. "What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she
told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of
paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to
restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory
named "i386." He started to type it and paused, asking me "Where's the key
for that line thing?" I asked what he was talking about. He said, "You know,
that one that looks like an upside down exclamation mark." I replied, "You
mean the letter "i"?" And he said, "Yeah, that's it!"
(Source: Chris Mason)
*
To:          My Boss
From:      Your Secretary
Subject:  Y2K Conversion
I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for next year.  The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:

               Januark
               Februark
               Mak
               Julk
The days of the week have been corrected as well:
               Sundak
               Mondak
               Tuesdak
               Wednesdak
               Thursdak
               Fridak
               Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant.
(Source: Fwd from David & Maura Hall)
*
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced
the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery
for this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just
the remote 'thingy,'" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive
over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair
and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the
manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise
control, then went in back to make a sandwich.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Unlocking The Car Door - When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in
it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it
was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."
(Source: Chris Mason)
have a short funny bone.
Jokes assembled from various sources by Rusty Ivey.
Clean joke submissions are welcome but not guaranteed to be published.
 Stop in and say "hi"!  ...and see what the rest had to say.
Now, where would you like to go?
Now, where would you like to go? To the Top of Page;
Good Laughs; Telling the Tales- The Long of It, The Short of It; Listing the Laughs- The Top Ten Lists, The Long Numerals, Among the Unnumbered, The Vocabulary List; or Home?
Want to discover more about Jesus Christ?
If you want some great places on the net to buy stuff you already need and want, check out:

an effort to keep from having banners everywhere).