Smile More! Listing-style Jokes Smile More!

The Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Source: Fwd from Sarah Craft

Return to the Top of Page

Top Ten Reasons Churches Don't Ask Clown Ministries to Return

10.They force people to smile during the 8 am service.
9. It's hard to say with dignity, "The sermon today will be given by Brother Umpa-Doody."
8. Whoopee cushions inevitably appear under the pew cushions.
7. Sermons take a lot longer when they are in pantomime.
6. Clowns wearing blue curly wigs might be confused with elderly women.
5. Many denominations do not recognize seltzer water baptism.
4. Dribble glasses might be used during the communion service.
3. They have to pay janitors extra to get silly string off the ceiling.
2. The junior highers pop their balloons during closing prayer.
1. They realize they have enough clowns working there already.

(Source: Fwd from Sarah Craft)

Return to the Top of Page

Top Ten Reasons God Created Woman

(As an equal opportunity joker and since I agree with Adam when he said "Wow!",
this is a list from the woman's side with love to Christian women everywhere...... from Rusty.)
10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don't want to see what's ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on!)
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

(Source: Fwd from Tony Haefs)

Return to the Top of Page

Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned (Top 10 plus a bonus!)

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.  They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
5. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.
8. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
9. School lunches stick to the wall.
10. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
11. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

(Source: Dennis Campbell)

Return to the Top of Page

Great Truths about Life That Adults Have Learned

1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.  For example, I am sitting here thinking about how nice it  is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4. The best way to keep teenagers at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.
5. Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with quite a few nuts.
6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.
9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

(Source: Dennis Campbell)

Return to the Top of Page

Top 10 reasons college is like preschool.....

10. You cry for your mother.
9.  You cross the street without looking for cars.
8.  Snack time is a necessity.
7.  You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do.
6.  YOu stay at home and play games with your friends.
5.  You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4.  You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.

(Source: Fwd from Tony Haefs)

Return to the Top of Page

Top Ten Product Placements in Upcoming Summer Blockbusters (1997)

The selling of computer technology has gone far beyond ads in "Byte" and the occasional taxicab placard at Comdex. This year, computer companies are getting more aggressive with their marketing dollars. The proof? These planned product placements in the upcoming summer blockbuster movies:

Source: E!: The Entertainment Network

Return to the Top of Page

Top Ten Things People Won't Say . . . (HUMOR)

Top Ten Things People Won't Say When They See the Christian Bumper Sticker or More Subtle Fish Symbol On Your Car:

By Mike Higgs

Return to the Top of Page
Jokes assembled from various sources by Rusty Ivey.

My Counterare "listed" as funny.

 Come on in & list your name among the others, Sign My Guestbook
View My Guestbook...then see who the "others" are.

Now, where would you like to go? To the Top of Page;
Good Laughs; Telling the Tales- The Long of It, The Short of It; Listing the Laughs- The Top Ten Lists, The Long Numerals, Among the Unnumbered, The Vocabulary List; or Rusty's Home?
Want to discover more about Jesus Christ?

If you want some great places on the net to buy stuff you already need and want, check out:
Rusty's Mini-I'Mall
 (an effort to keep from having banners everywhere).